dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
