Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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