So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
