sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
