Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
