My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
