My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
