we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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