I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
