OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
