Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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