i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
