I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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