I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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