So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
