I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
