Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
