There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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