Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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