ugly people sure do ruin things
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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