You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
