Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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