Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
