The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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