you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
