is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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