this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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