He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And then he peed in my hair
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