my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
