Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
