I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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