Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
