I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
