when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
