I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
