Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
