the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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