Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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