Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
