Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
