I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize