Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
