My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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