I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
