i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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