That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
