i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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