I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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