Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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