you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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