so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
